


Christmas Eve Confessions

by heartsdesire456



Series: 25 Days of Fandom [19]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Presents, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Romance, Snow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-02 09:56:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2808281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsdesire456/pseuds/heartsdesire456
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve and Bucky's first Christmas Eve after Bucky coming back starts with presents and ends with something a bit more special.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Christmas Eve Confessions

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Признания в канун Рождества](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3063590) by [chipa812](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chipa812/pseuds/chipa812), [WTF_Starbucks_Team](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WTF_Starbucks_Team/pseuds/WTF_Starbucks_Team)



> I'm literally SO LATE sorry! This came out longer than I intended and I was away all night.

Steve had always loved Christmas. Bucky hated it, because they never were able to really celebrate, but Steve just loved the season. Even when things were at their worst, people seemed to be kinder to each other around Christmas. Bucky used to hate that they never got to have a big dinner like Christmas usually had, and they never had money to give each other real presents, but Steve could remember all the times Bucky scraped up all the spare money he could to buy Steve a new drawing pad or a set of pencils or something else that they didn’t have money to spare from necessities for the rest of the year. Steve never had enough money to get Bucky anything, and he always felt bad for it, but Bucky’s smiles when Steve thanked him for whatever small thing Bucky got him.

None of that compared to Bucky’s smile when Steve took him up to Tony’s floor and showed him the giant Christmas tree and all the decorations around the floor. “Whoa, Stevie, look at all this stuff!” he said excitedly. “Man, this is the kinda thing me and you could’ve only ever dreamed of.”

Steve nodded, following Bucky towards the others and their cluster around the Christmas tree. “Come!” Tony cried, holding his arms out. “Join us!” 

Pepper stood up, chuckling at the snowman pajamas Bucky was wearing and then laughed outright at Steve’s Christmas tree ones. “Someone’s festive for the season.”

Steve blushed. “We would’ve gotten dressed if we knew others were up. We were just gonna get some food,” he said, tugging awkwardly at his pants.

Bucky shot him a look. “You might have. I really don’t give a damn,” he said, winking at Pepper. “You know you like what the snowman pajamas do for my ass,” he teased and Steve rolled his eyes at him.

“Heeyyy, eyes off my girl, Robocop,” Tony called out, walking over to sling his arm around Pepper’s waist.

Bucky snickered, looking at Steve. “This one’s way more fun than his old man,” he joked and Steve smiled as Tony preened. “Alright, Stevie, make me some breakfast,” Bucky demanded, and Steve started to go, but Pepper called out.

“Whoa, hold on!” She walked over to the tree and grabbed some boxes. “We’re doing ‘one-gift-on-Christmas-eve’ this year,” she said, holding out the two boxes to Steve and Bucky. “We couldn’t get everybody together at once so we’re doing ‘as they trickle through’.”

Steve smiled brightly, exchanging a look with Bucky as they took the boxes she offered them. “Thanks, Pepper. This is really nice of you.”

“Hey, it’s from me, too!” Tony piped up and Pepper rolled her eyes.

“He just wrapped them,” she corrected. She waved her hands at them. “C’mon, open them!”

Steve looked at Bucky, who shrugged, and started pulling the paper off. Steve did the same and balled up the paper in order to open the box. His eyes widened when he got the top off. “Oh wow, Pepper, this is really nice.” He set the box down on the back of the couch and pulled out the sweater. It was a dark blue, and it was _soft_. “This is so soft.”

“Cashmere, so it should be,” she said, and Steve held it up, smiling when Pepper whistled. “Compliments your eyes.”

“Man, this is nice, Pepper. I don’t think I own anything this soft,” Bucky said, and Steve turned to look as he held up a dark gray sweater just like Steve’s, only with a V-neck. “Hey Stevie, I’m totally wearing this when we go out later,” Bucky said and Steve smiled.

“Sounds like a good idea, I probably will, too,” he said, smiling at Pepper. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Bucky said, walking around the couch to kiss Pepper’s cheek. 

Pepper smiled, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Just be careful, Steve might get mauled with his eyes that pretty.”

Bucky winked at her. “Stevie’s eyes are always that pretty, so I should be okay.”

Steve gave him a look. “Oh c’mon you jerk.”

Bucky smirked as he followed him to the kitchen. “Make me, Punk.”

~

When Bucky joined Steve at the elevator, slinging on Steve’s brown leather jacket, Steve’s throat went dry. “Alright, ready to go, sorry,” Bucky said, shaking out his hair. He’d cut it since he’d been recovering, but it wasn’t short-short. The bangs fell around his cheekbones on either side, and it was thick and fluffy and soft. 

(Steve knew the last part from playing with Bucky’s hair when he flopped across Steve’s lap on the couch)

There was something to be said about the surge of possessiveness (among other emotions) that Steve got when he saw Bucky wearing his clothes since he’d been back, but this time, Bucky’s dark gray sweater made his eyes pop, the V-neck drew attention to Bucky’s neck and collar bones, combined Steve’s leather jacket, made for a wave of lust that nearly made Steve keel over into the wall of the elevator. 

The thing was, Steve had always had feelings for Bucky. He knew somewhere as kids he didn’t think of Bucky as more than a friend, but he couldn’t remember what that had been like. Living with Bucky had been both wonderful and the worst torture ever. Being in love with the person lying next to you in bed – out of necessity, not for a reason – hadn’t ever been easy.

Sometimes he had allowed himself to hope for a moment that the way Bucky smiled at him, like Steve was the most important thing in the world, was Bucky feeling the same way. But at that time, it wasn’t something he could risk. Even if it hadn’t been too dangerous legally, he couldn’t risk losing Bucky in his life.

And then he did lose Bucky and he didn’t think he’d ever feel the same way again.

Now, Bucky was back. He still had his rough days, and he wasn’t the same carefree man Steve had known a long time ago, but he was _Bucky_. And right now, looking gorgeous and like _his_ , Bucky was the worst torture all over again.

When they got outside, Bucky brightened up, running the last few feet to the doors to the lobby, face lighting up as he ran outside. “Look, Steve!” he called, spinning around when he got out onto the sidewalk. “Snow!” he said, holding his arms out.

Steve followed him with a bright smile. “I don’t know about you, but I was sort of frozen for a few decades. I’m sort of over snow.”

Bucky gave him a flat look. “Look, you Punk, no matter how much snow we put up with in Austria and no matter how many times I’ve been frozen solid, snow is snow,” he said, his expression almost warning Steve to argue.

“Since when do you like snow so much?” Steve asked, tilting his head. “I don’t remember you liking snow.”

Bucky shrugged. “I liked it, but, you know, snow meant it being cold and worrying about you getting sick. I didn’t like winter, but I liked snow,” he explained, sliding his arm around Steve’s shoulders as Steve got to them, guiding him off down the sidewalk. “Best thing about that crap they did to you, though, Stevie!” He winked. “Now I can throw snow at you and not worry about killin’ my best friend.”

Steve gave him a warning look. “If you throw snow at me-“

“I’m gonna do it,” Bucky interrupted, grinning. “It’s only a matter of _when_ , not if.”

Steve whined. “Aw, Bucky, I don’t wanna get all wet-“

“Don’t be embarrassed, I have that effect on people,” Bucky said loftily, making Steve blush even as he laughed.

“I know the serum changed a lot about me, but I don’t think it changed _that_ much,” he joked and Bucky barked out a laugh.

Bucky ruffled the back of Steve’s hair as he shoved at him playfully. “Your superhero buddies never believe me when I say you’re a dirty little shit,” he accused, making Steve smirk.

“It’s all just part of my long con,” Steve said with an air of faux smugness. “I play the confused old conservative grandpa trapped in a thirty-year-old’s body, and then every once in a while I drop some ‘fucks’, make a sex joke, and boom! Watch their brains melt trying to process it.”

Bucky grinned, shaking his head, bangs flopping into his face. “Maybe we should tell ‘em I sorta moved into your bed after the first few nightmares and never left.”

Steve blushed, ducking his head. “Tony would probably just send us a bouquet of condoms and his sincere congratulations on being able to still get it up. He sure as hell doesn’t have any sort of reaction to homosexuals going by the stuff I’ve heard about him,” he said and Bucky hummed, grinning in amusement.

“Knowing Stark, he probably would just yell at you for not letting him set you up with dudes if he thought you were into them,” Bucky said and Steve rolled his eyes.

“‘Dudes’, you spend way too much time with Clint,” Steve accused, and Bucky stuck his tongue out at him. They turned a corner and Steve let Bucky start on a new tangent about the shitty sidewalks on that street – his favorite complaint about the area around Stark Tower – and didn’t bother thinking about the way the churning in his gut made him want so badly to say something about ‘if he thought you were into them’.

~

Steve was glad when they left the restaurant where they’d had lunch, because it had been the first time Steve saw Bucky in his new sweater without the jacket over it. When he’d peeled off the jacket, Steve’s first thought was ‘dear God, never wear anything else ever again’. Bucky’s sweater was just as form-fitting as his own, and it showed his broad chest, tight stomach, and defined arms better than any shirt Steve had seen on Bucky before. Bucky finally putting the jacket back on had been a relief because Steve was pretty sure he’d made a fool at lunch by not paying attention to whatever Bucky was saying and still trying to answer. When they got outside, Bucky teased him about being distracted by something, but Steve didn’t say what.

On the way back, Bucky insisted they cut through the park to look at the snow. Steve didn’t even think twice about agreeing until Bucky gave him a devious look suddenly and dove towards the grass, grabbing two large handfuls of snow before Steve could react. Even his super-fast reflexes weren’t a match for Bucky Barnes intent on smearing snow all over his face. “Ahh, Bucky!” he cried, spluttering and shaking snow off of his face and head, only to fix Bucky with a challenging look. “Oh, you’re gonna get it.”

Bucky held up his hands, grinning. “Hey, you wouldn’t attack a one-armed man, would you?” he tried and Steve grinned impishly. “Awww Stevie, I’m sorry, here, lemme just-“ He made to move closer and wipe snow off of Steve’s face, only to cry out when Steve grabbed his waist and jerked to the side, throwing Bucky down on the snow. “STEVE!” he cried, only to make a high yelp when Steve scooped up a handful of snow and dumped it right on his face. “Not the hair!”

Steve actually stopped long enough to give him a look that clearly said ‘really?’ “Well that’s one thing they didn’t manage to erase,” Steve said, shaking his head as Bucky stood up and immediately tried to fix his hair. “You’re still as vain as ever, Barnes.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, tucking his hair behind his ears. “Hey, good hair is hard to accomplish, Steve.”

Steve nodded. “Yeah, and you spend more time getting ready than any girl ever did,” he accused, making Bucky huff.

“Hey, a fella has to look good when he’s out, too. You never know who’s gonna be lookin’,” he said, fixing his jacket. “Specially these days,” he added as they started walking again.

Steve bit his lip, that same swooping sensation and the burning desire to _tell_ him. Steve glanced at Bucky and, God, he was so beautiful. There were snowflakes in his eyelashes, his cheeks were slightly flushed from their playing, but his pale skin still seemed to glow in the white landscape around them. His lips were red and full, just like always, and Steve had the strongest desire to know what they felt like against his. Steve chuckled darkly at himself, shaking his head. Here he was, with his miracle to beat all miracles walking right beside him, and he still wanted more. He hated feeling like he was being greedy. He’d got Bucky back. Who was he to want _more_ than his best friend back?

“Hey Steve, what’re you thinkin’ so hard on?” Bucky asked, knocking Steve from his thoughts. Bucky gave him a mysterious look. “You seem kinda lost in your head all of a sudden.”

Steve sighed, looking up at the trees. “You ever feel selfish?” he asked Bucky suddenly. “Or maybe not that… greedy maybe.”

Bucky shot him a flat look. “Steve Rogers, you’ve never been selfish or greedy a day in your life,” he argued flat out. “You’re the most selfless person to ever exist, Pal.”

Steve shook his head. “Maybe it’s not that either then. Maybe it’s just… ungrateful,” he muttered. “Wanting more when you’ve already got more than you could have ever hoped for. That’s ungrateful, isn’t it?”

“Steve, what’re you even talking about?” Bucky asked in a softer tone, looking at him with worried eyes as they walked along. He bumped their elbows together. “Steve, you’re the most appreciative person I’ve ever known. You always focus on what you do have, not what you don’t have. I haven’t ever seen you be ungrateful for the things you got, even if you had every right to be pissed at life for giving you too little and too far between.” He made a harsh ‘ha’. “Hell, Stevie, you don’t even take full advantage of the shit you have. If I were you, I’d be milking that ‘superhero’ stuff for all it’s worth. I’m talking playing that ‘I saved the world’ card until it’s run dry. The way I was before, I’d be basking in the praise that you worm your way out of accepting.”

Steve shook his head. “No you wouldn’t, Bucky,” he argued. He looked at him. “Come on. You may have liked attention back before the war, but you didn’t even take advantage of how likeable you were. You could’ve got a hell of a lot further in life if it wasn’t for your selflessness to help me out, and you know it.”

Bucky looked ahead, a wry smile on his lips. “Selflessness. You really think I spent all my time taking care of you and following you around out of selflessness?”

Steve frowned. “Well… yeah?” he asked in confusion. “What the hell else do you call saving my skin when I picked fights I couldn’t finish or when I couldn’t keep a job and pay my bills or sitting up all night to make sure I made it through ‘til the next day? That’s selflessness if ever there was any-“

“You notice the common factor in all those things, Steve, is _you_ ,” Bucky pointed out. He looked up at him with round, sincere eyes framed in thick, dark lashes, the same expression he used to give Steve when he looked down at him and told him everything would be okay because he was there. “Steve, I was never selfless, I was selfish as hell.”

Steve gave him a disbelieving, head pulled back as he looked at him sideways. “So taking care of me was selfish, huh?”

“Damn straight it was, Punk,” Bucky said sharply. “I followed you around, remember? You were _my_ friend. When you got in fights, I helped out because you were _mine_ and they were hurting my friend. When you got sick, I did everything I could to make sure you got through it because I didn’t wanna see _my_ friend suffering. I paid your bills and watched you through the night because I didn’t want to lose you. I didn’t do it so you’d get better, I did it so you’d get better and _stay_ with me,” Bucky stressed. “I died selfish, because that fuckin’ HYDRA bastard was trying to kill you and you were _mine_.” 

Steve looked at him, a burbling of hope filling his chest like a slowly growing flame. “You considered me yours?” he asked in a small tone.

Bucky scoffed. “What’s with the past tense? Steve, I was still a possessive jerk over you when I was that fucking _thing_ they made me. I can remember being angry – when I wasn’t meant to feel anger – because they wanted to take ‘that man on the bridge’ away from me. I was like a fucking cat that claimed a spot on the windowsill as his and they were trying to make me move. I didn’t even know who you were or why, but you were my ‘spot on the sill’ so to speak.”

Steve licked his dry, cold-chapped lips. “And now?” he asked almost nervously.

“I feel guilty sometimes because people will come over when I’m in a particularly possessive mood and I just want to tell them to get the hell out and leave you alone,” he admitted, looking up with shame in his eyes. “Sam and Natasha take you out places without me and I don’t like it.” He cringed. “I know it’s irrational, and it’s not that strong, it’s not like I have the sudden urge to take them out or anything, it’s just this little thing, like a sour note in something sweet when you’re eating.” He gave him a look. “You’re over here talking about being ungrateful when I’ve never been happy enough to have you at all and just want you all to myself. That’s ungrateful.”

Steve swallowed hard, looking straight ahead as he took the leap. “I feel ungrateful because I have you back, the only thing I ever prayed for, and I can’t be happy enough with you being here and being my friend, I keep wanting-“ He took a breath. “I keep wanting to be more than your friend.” He shook his head. “I’m ungrateful because I have you but I want more of you when I should be more than content with you being here at all, Buck.” Steve stopped short when something tugged at his jacket. He looked down and saw Bucky’s hand clenched in his jacket. He turned, looking up Bucky, who had stopped in his tracks. “Buck?”

Bucky didn’t look upset. He looked amused, so Steve hoped that was a positive sign. “Steve Rogers, you are too stupid to live sometimes,” he said and Steve huffed, giving him an affronted look.

“Hey, that’s not- Ow!” Steve yelped when Bucky swatted at the side of his head.

“I never _once_ even tried to hide from you how I felt,” Bucky berated. “I didn’t even attempt because I knew damn well that I was as obvious as hell. I barely managed to not look at you in public the way I did when we were alone. I _followed you back to the front lines_ when I had a pass home, Steve. Your dumb ass was what made me able to get free from all that shitty brainwashing crap! And even if that wasn’t fucking plain enough, I just _confessed to my possessiveness_ not three minutes ago,” he nearly shouted.

Steve frowned. “But… you’ve always did that stuff. Yeah, you admitted to being possessive, but you were _always_ like that. And you stayed in Europe to help me, because I’m your best friend-“

“You dumb shit,” Bucky managed to get out as he fought back laughter. Steve wasn’t sure what was suddenly so funny. “Man, it’s a good thing you’re pretty,” he said, shaking his head when Steve pouted at him slightly, still confused and not liking it. “Lemme make this as simple as possible, Punk,” Bucky said, and all of a sudden, he grabbed the front of Steve’s sweater and tugged him in, kissing him soundly. Steve flailed a minute, eyes flying wide as he watched Bucky – whose eyes were open too – giving him an amused look as he kissed him. When Bucky pulled back with a ‘smack’, he tilted his head, raising an eyebrow. “Get it now, Steve?” he asked and Steve licked his lips, breath coming in short, sharp puffs.

“Um, I might, but maybe you should run that by me again?” he suggested, smiling bashfully, even if his eyes showed a hint of mischief.

Bucky smirked, sliding his hand up to curl around the back of Steve’s neck. “You’re not foolin’ me with that innocent look, Buddy,” he mumbled as he leaned in, kissing Steve again. Steve sighed into the kiss, reaching out to grab Bucky by his hips, hands settling just above his jeans, stroking against the soft sweater over Bucky’s warm, solid body.

When the kiss broke, Steve exhaled shakily, forehead resting against Bucky’s. “I’ve wanted to do that ever since even before we lived together.”

Bucky chuckled hoarsely, sliding his hand into Steve’s hair. “Stevie, I’ve wanted to do that since nineteen thirty-two.”

Steve’s eyes snapped open. “I was fourteen-“

“And I was fifteen and finally worked out what the hell I was feelin’,” Bucky confirmed, nodding. He stroked Steve’s jaw with his glove-covered left hand. “Stevie, you clearly are too dumb to get it, but you’ve always been it for me.” He shook his head. “I knew I couldn’t ever have that with you, because that’s now how things went back then, and I tried my hardest to keep from thinkin’ about it, and I was popular with the girls, so it wasn’t a struggle to distract myself or anything, but Steve…” He trailed off, smiling at Steve with that familiar look that Steve finally understood. “Stevie, I’ve loved you since we were kids, and nothing, not even brainwashing, could stop that. If you’d been a girl, I’d have married you – assuming you’d have had me – as soon as I could get our parents to agree to it. Wouldn’t have even waited ‘til we were both twenty-one.”

Steve just stared at him for the longest before finally giving him a sheepish smile. “Wow… I am stupid, huh?”

Bucky laughed. “No shit, you’re stupid.” He shook his head. “You really didn’t know? Ever?”

Steve smiled brightly and shook his head. “No, Bucky. I just thought you were my friend. I never dreamed you loved me back.”

Bucky snorted, pulling away from Steve. “Great, I knew you were stupid, but man, you’re really stupid, Stevie.” He slid his hand into Steve’s, tugging him into motion. “C’mon, it’s too damn cold to stand around out here talking about your stupid. We can do that back at home.”

Steve rolled his eyes dramatically. “You’re never letting me live this down, are you?”

“Nope!” Bucky said brightly. “I’m gonna introduce you as my boyfriend the dumbass for at least the first few months,” he said and Steve looked at him with a blinding smile. “What?” he asked curiously.

Steve leaned over and kissed his cheek while they walked. “You called me your boyfriend.”

“Well that damn sure better be what you are now,” Bucky warned. “I’m not letting you get out of this now that I know you like me back, Rogers.”

“Love you,” Steve corrected softly and Bucky’s eyes brightened. “I love you back.”

Bucky gave him a smug look and nodded, looking ahead. “Good then.”

“Good?” Steve asked, and Bucky nodded, biting his lip to keep from smiling too big.

“Fantastic.”

**Author's Note:**

> I AM SO OUT OF IDEAS GUYS IF YOU HAVE ANY REQUESTS FOR THIS SERIES PLEASE FEEL FREE TO TELL MEEE!


End file.
